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Edited by the Mudan Media Group @marukudeibu
Episode 32
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(P.S. sorry for how hard it is to see Emily's draft…the pencil lines ended up lighter than expected. Itll be much more visible after inking LOL)
The cat joke is like azumanga daioh lol
I'm glad foreigners are finally being given chances to publisher their works as Manga, there are many creative ideas out there that deserve the adaptation.
So, maybe, to preserve your original paneling, you could draw some effect in the room, to indicate a 'bad presence'. Another idea I had might be to draw a panel, where she follows the bad presence and than, in order to make it not look like summoned the spider, she finds it as a smal one somewhere. For example: she lifts a carpet, next picture shows the smal spider underneath, next one the spider and her just stare at each other, next picture smoke forms and the spider transforms on its bigger, more monster-like form.
Also, I are speach bubbles not allowed in princible? Otherwise you could use them, but draw pictures inside tehm. This way, you can simulate speach. I like the idea with the advertisement a lot as well, so maybe just try to design it without text. Just make it very flashy at filled with symbols (like pictograms, red forms, etc.).
And one last idea: for the beginning to make it a bit more smooth, condense the scene, where the lady opens the dore and tries to make her problem clear and just show, how she pulls in the witch without much explanation.
Suggestion for Emily-
Would it be possible for the panel where the client is explaining her situation (the monster in her house that needs to be exterminated) to have a speech bubble of some kind with like a picture of the monster? That would get rid of the strict "no lettering" rule while still making the reasoning for being at the clients house a little easier to read. ^^
Hi guys, absolutely loved this video. I love stories so I’m going to ramble a whole bunch because I’ve been inspired. I am not a professional do not listen to me!
Daidus, when the editor says you have multiple storylines happening, I think it’s because you have a series of events where there isn’t a consistent motive connecting them. The inciting incident is the stealing of the hat, which is then resolved, leading into the battle scene, which is resolved, and then taking the cat back, which is then resolved, however they all connect rather circumstantially. Maybe having a clear motive of for example ‘getting the hat back’ throughout the whole story (perhaps the bad guy could smugly wear the hat meaning daidus has to get it back with the fight) could make the overall character intentions and the plot more clear. I really like the ending, it’s one of many really nice kishoutenketsu gag vignettes you have set up. I think to keep it, you have to establish daidus with them in the city at the start, and then the cat can attack, and he separates from them to chase it. Then at the end, when daidus escapes (maybe flying through the air from his ink fart), he can land back in front of them, and have the same interaction (where they’re more concerned about the cat than him). Going back to the flat and changing the location can be confusing and affects the pace. Having the story start and end cyclically with you three in the city can alleviate the confusion a little I feel.
With those two, maybe it would be too cluttered for this one-shot, but maybe give them a reason for their presence with a slight bit of plot for them to do in the background. E.g at the start the three of you are tourists trying to find a landmark, then they are distracted looking at a map when the hat gets taken and you run off (funny composition potential here) and then when you reconvene at the end they are at the place they were initially trying to find (a massive ichika shaped landmark)
Overall it’s reminiscent of a spy x family plot, really enjoyed it.
Emily, I really love the mystery and the twist reveal of the invisible spider, especially in terms of the magical worldbuilding. There’s a big difference between revealing the presence of the monster and the fact that it is actually a spider, and I think that second mystery can be preserved with some finesse. I think before the spider is revealed, there should be indications of its existence by the way it has affected the house, e.g footprints, damaged furniture, and maybe slight spoiler, spider webs. This also gives more credence to the purpose of your witch being at the house in the first place. I think you can also use some strong visuals to portray the presence of the monster, e.g. drawing the environments with harsh cast shadows that only contrasting white glowing eyes peer out of. (Although spiders have eight eyes so also maybe a spoiler) We know something is actually there, but not what it is. Then when she does the fog spell that reveals it (a moment i really like) you can maybe use a similar contrasting value language in a wide shot with the silhouettes of the two women with a now revealed spider? Regardless of how you execute, I think the main thing is establishing the presence of ‘an invisible monster’ is key so that its reveal can be more understood, but the greater mystery is kept intact. I also think you can emphasise and exaggerate the spiders personality a bit more, the editor seemed to think the spider went berserk, but it seemed to me you wanted it to be kinda nonchalant and innocent and just getting blasted for no reason. I think it would be hilarious to play off that irony even more, having the spider emote to be just as scared as the girls are, especially as magic starts whizzing over its head. This would also further emphasise the witches ineptitude and the general shaggy dog vibe of the story as a whole.
Completely random tangent, I think starting with a 2-koma of the witch trying to look strong and capable, and then the next panel being her getting scared by a tiny regular spider would introduce and characterise her very concisely, and also foreshadows later events. Maybe instead of trying to establish this bounty jobs system without text, which I would really struggle with, maybe she could just stumble across the house whilst exploring the woods, and then the woman comes out screaming, being the inciting incident, and presenting the issue the witch needs to solve more urgently and clearly. Again, beautiful work Emily, very brave concept but I think you have the skill to pull it off. Also you should replace the spider with a giant ichika.
Ramble over people who are actually qualified please correct me in the replies ❤
15:31
For this scene, i was thinking you could put a small image of the spider in the frame like she's explaining what is happening, and in 14:40 you could make the house look like it's steaming of being beaten up from the outside view or something to resemble that there's a monster in there
I'm actually so happy that you guys are making a manga and I can't wait to see the inked version 😀
I’m glad that longform content has become more common.
For Emily's: maybe for when she's detecting the monster, she could be looking through the crystal of the staff, like a magnifying glass, and sees it that way. Then she does the magic to reveal it so she can attack it.
Maybe that would be a clearer way to show that the monster was already there?
Emily, if you want to still make your spider invisible, try make your character spell look like heat detected, like when people are trying to find ghost
Idea for the witch!!
You can communicate it through pictures for that!
Maybe create your own language and symbols for the people in universe, but you can communicate what she does through drawing what she does under it like a dead monster or her killing the monster. (Maybe chase after the monster too with her staff).
I think the cat needs a plushie if you continue the Manga.
I mean, a dotted or dashed outline of something or someone tends to be widely understood as 'invisible' or 'missing'.
Ideas for Emily's manga:
instead of the monster being invisible, it could be smaller like a small-dog size and the witch makes it bigger by mistake (there you could reuse the pannels you already did where she cast the spell for make it visible).
And I agree with other comments, the lady could have a speech bubble showing a tipical monster that indicate that there is a monster in her house.
For making the Witch look like a novice or that it is her first show, maybe it is too complicated but you could draw her receiving her uniform and trying it on for the first time and then she is given a scroll with this mission (drawings of a monster + house + lady's face scared in a scroll)
Hope this helps or gives you any ideas. This was a great video! Both stories are really cool and fun, and having a manga editor give feedback in real life is really interesting!
I think for emirichu’s title page, you could keep the for hire poster, but make it have the little tear strips with the lady’s hand grabbing one!
33:54 I like how polite the editor is. She is giving really good constructive criticism but makes sure to praise them for their work too. And it’s kinda nice how she wanted to correct herself for giving advice on the two page spread part for emily but realized she might have already thought about it when she brought out her first draft.
@spilledInkyt @emirichu Maybe you can add indicators that the spider is already in the house, like webs, signs of distress using the furniture, etc.
Just like how you did in the final panel, you can use the surroundings to help tell your story!
Emily you could still to the witch for hire sign but with emojis or something like so it would be like a witch hat with a dollar sign and a phone ringing on the bottom with dasshes
It could also confuse the person reading it idk
I think Emily’s draft can still keep the invisible monster but instead have the mc use a revealing/tracking spell that reveals the monsters footsteps! when she reaches the end of the footstep trail, she can track her wand up and only the monster’s face shows so we understand its “invisible”… although now that i think ab it that also sounds difficult to draw without words😭
so an underwater world with no water? would it be accurate to say he wants the air to feel muggy/heavy like humidity? that's kinda what i was getting from the description lol
if you still want to show that the monster is invisible you can always add "monster footprints" like if it went on a carpet have indented footprints, or if it stepped in mud, the monster spider could leave a trail even if it was inivisible! you could also leave a footprint trail to the door to inidicate that the monster walked into there lol. i'm assuming the monster somehow ended up in the lady's house from the outside magical world, so if it tracks mud inside that could also be a visual cue that something which doesn't belong has ended up in the woman's house and the witch is here to catch it our destroy it.
AMAZING
For Daidus
for the end maybe your character walk to the sunset while the cat bites the ankle but then the squid from the start appears
it ends in a close shot of Daidus, cat and Squid like the start
Not sure if someone else has said this before, putting it out there anyway in case it helps.
For the witch manga, the 'for hire' sign would be good! I think the no words rule can be understood by if someone who doesn't know english can understand the words. So maybe the for hire sign could be more visual than wordy, her with that pose and a dollar sign, maybe a symbol underneath that shows a wizard banishing a monster. Something that can be read despite language barriers.
And then for the 'where does the spider come from' problem. Maybe it would be easier if her magic locates the spider instead? This way you can use all the casting panels you have, and only change where the spider comes from. Maybe the spider is in the closet and the magic makes it glow, or a really obvious magic hand that points, or a border around the spider that shows through the closet.
Another thing to ask is if speech bubbles with symbols instead of words isn't allowed either. For example, the woman points to her living room, scared and nervous, and her speech bubble has a scary monster symbol in it.
I loved the conversation you guys had with the manga editor: she was really kind and insightful, and this was a wholesome convo to watch! Gud luck with the competition <3
If Daidus’s manga continues with the running gag of the cat creature biting him and no one else it would be funny if the reason wasn’t because it hated him, but rather it just likes the taste of squid. But that’s not revealed until later.
Or not. Anyway, this was really cool to watch. Thank you both of you.
@Emirichu for that page where the client is like showing the witch her house, why not just like, have her stuff covered and strung up in huge webs / cocoons? This way you don't have to redraw that page lmao? Or to showcase the monster you can have a panel where its in a hole in the ceiling and you can see glowing eyes? Idk just a thought LOL good luck! I'm sure you'll figure it out!!
Hey Daidus! This is just a little idea I had with the ink panel during the fight scene. knowing you, you obviously wanted to make the reader laugh by having the character shoot ink from his butt. But have you ever seen the anime 'Squid Girl' in the anime she can spray ink from her mouth. So I think when the shark villain suddenly tries to attack again, it can show you screaming, then your cheeks get puffy, and then you barf up like a water blast of ink. BUT! that's something i would do, still think the butt version is funny. Overall you and emily did amazing!
she goes to a tavern to get the job …like commissions
How about at the end of Daidus's manga he pulls out another bag of dried squid like he was eating at the beginning, when the cat sees it, it lets him go. Then, a panel where theyre just sitting on the couch or doing something while sharing the food
When she does the happy face because she did magic, you could copy a similar thing for when she opens the closet but she doesn't see the spider at first because it's on the ceiling. She will like sigh with relief and then it shows itself lol
I'm not sure if it's too late to make a suggestion or if anyone else has.
But for Emily's, she could have it to where the lady shows her the monster, but the monster starts off small like a regular spider and then grows to a monstrous size.
You could even have a panel where the lady points at the spider that looks like a regular house spider and a panel of the witch looking really confused as if to say "this is what you called me for." Without words, of course.
And then it grows, and the witch has a comically shocked expression.
Daidus you can convey that theyre your roommates by changing the start having you leave the apartment then going to the fish city. Would only add 2 extra pages max
This is quite late, perhaps, maybe? But for Emily’s, perhaps she could use the staff as a detector for the monster? When the character starts her work, the light can be dim but as she closes in onto the monster it glows brighter or maybe start flickering? And it can connect to the closet idea, as she moves to the closet and it starts to go chaotic? Just a small idea/suggestion!
I think that you can use little chibis instead words in the witch for hire ad.
add sen and fat guy as a subtle easter egg in the background for ur fans! not confusing for new readers but nice easter eggs for ur fans and a little foreshadowing if u do continue the manga!
The costume, give her a pin or a hazmat with a Dead Monster (Anti roach or Anti Mosquito)
I could feel the pressure through the screen, I would've evaporated so fast😭
How would I send my traditional manga into the competition because I'm very far from Japan
Can you use pictograms for communication?
For example:
"🧙+💰= ☠"
"Mage plus money equals d3ad monster" = "witch for hire"
"😈=😶🌫"
"Monster equals dotted monster" = "monster is invisible"
For Emily, just some ideas that popped into my head while watching!
What if the Witch accidentally summons the monster? Like maybe she’s not specifically a monster exterminator, just a Witch for hire, and the lady hires her for some other odd job. When she attempts to complete whatever task, she ends up summoning a giant spider monster and destroys the house trying to get rid of it
Or
When the Witch gets to the house, the monster is tiny, and when she goes to exterminate it, she accidentally casts a spell that enlarges it and then it starts chasing her.
Also, maybe to indicate that the Witch is on a job, she could have some type of bag/tool kit with various items and trinkets inside. I really enjoyed your story as is, and hopefully you don’t have to do too much redrawing. Good luck!! ❤
I´m the Spanish mangaka she mentioned around minute 42. Very cool video, it´s always great to hear what Japanese manga editors have to say. And thank you for the shoutout Tokuno san!