The most unhinged 7th Heaven episodes



I decided to rewatch 7th Heaven. These are some of my recaps for the most absurd episodes I’ve seen.

Episode List, in order of the recaps

S1 E13 “America’s Most Wanted” Mary steals a glass

S3 E8 “No Sex, Some Drugs, and a Little Rock n’ Roll” Mary takes energy boosters

S2 E7 “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” Karen is a local gang member

S4 E10 “Who Nose?” Simon gets caught up with paint huffers at school

S1 E10 “Last Call For Aunt Julie” Aunt Julie the alcoholic comes to visit

S4 E7 “Sin” Simon is caught using the middle finger at school

S2 E5 “Says Who?” Lucy tries to catch a bulimic girl

S2 E4 “Who Knew?” Mom admits to smoking pot

S2 E20 “Like a Harlot” Matt asks the school harlot to the prom

S2 E12 “Rush To Judgment” Lou has been hiding a secret autistic son

S5 E9 “Tunes” Norton slaps Lucy’s butt and Simon wears baggy pants

S2 E19 “Time to Leave the Nest” Simon brings a homeless girl home to keep as a pet

S3 E5 “And a Nice Chianti” Matt’s car is stolen by a pregnant teen carjacker

S6 E10 “Consideration” Simon is involved in a slow speed car chase

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23 thoughts on “The most unhinged 7th Heaven episodes”

  1. A while ago I started rewatching 7th Heaven, too! I'm going about it really casually so it's going to make me forever, but I swear this was like the precursor for certain ABC Family shows. Idk why I just get Secret Life of the American Teenager vibes. Please someone tell me I'm not the only one…?

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  2. 7:53 seriously remember this episode 😂 okay I remember a lot of these now and it was on forever. I would watch this with the girls I nannied for and their mother, as the mother and I were doing lines of C*ke together. Dear God that was a lifetime ago. We watched those kids all grow up on that show. Angie and I could never live like that again. Thankfully, all the children I nannied have grown up too and have had good lives, with few pitfalls. They have started families of their own. I just attended the youngest one’s wedding last November ❤ OMG why is there almost no mention of Ruthie. Her comedic timing and sarcasm is priceless.

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  3. I was a preachers kid (luckily not a fundie) in the 90s, and so many people were surprised that I hated 7th heaven. I was already pretty agnostic and just had a list of grievances with this show, so I’d just list it off how terrible it was.

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  4. Thank you for this ! My husband and I watched the entire series together some years ago, basically reacting just like you… It was so funny. "Even the dog is a snitch!” is a great motto for this perfect US family. Still big fans of Jessica Biel, by the way. Too bad she was not available… Greetings from Europe!

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  5. My personal favourite was when they got a call from the doctor telling them their daughter was pregnant so they confronted her and she simply told them she couldn't be. Of course they didn't believe her. Turned out mom had gone for her physical with the same doctor around the same time and the office had mixed up the names. So much better.

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