ILLUMINATE RETURN | Strohmann News | Squid-Like Terrorists | Helldivers 2



A Strohmann News breaking story of the antidemocratic aliens’ return. The Illuminate were thought to be exterminated, but their survival indicates that our children and our freedom are now more at risk than ever before!

Super Destroyer video from Helldivers 2!

Playlist of Strohmann News: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW250uNvfh77y71H4WRQGBxA4WC-7a2_L
Playlist of Super Destroyer Videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW250uNvfh74-PBIC_PvjpBuWrZ1HJ97K

Playlist of Helldivers 2 Music: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW250uNvfh760vKzCVyWR7DaY7K33cvFD
Playlist of 1 Hour Helldiver Tracks: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW250uNvfh77zQs7bQTCWAYpJY9SoKiRi
Playlist of Automaton Marches: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW250uNvfh74EULKGxw9he2A5EC-6ooDb
Playlist of Helldiver Marches: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLW250uNvfh74EULKGxw9he2A5EC-6ooDb

#Helldivers2 #Strohmann #Newsbreak

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46 thoughts on “ILLUMINATE RETURN | Strohmann News | Squid-Like Terrorists | Helldivers 2”

  1. SES Custodian of Humanity. This is R4 squad has been MIA since landfall, ammo is low, stims are gone. I am currently overrun and outnumbered lock on my coordinates and level it with the 380s Calipso STANDS!

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  2. This is Scottzip 'call sing Sotvier' of the SES Wings of starlight ready to begin the fight, to all Helldivers call upon yourselves, do you stand with me into fires of hell against the corrupt squid face hinge heads, to defend earth and her colonies?

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  3. Personal Log, Captain Varnell of the SES Marshal of Conviction. This log is being broadcast on the wideband fleet net under the Democratic Forums Act, and spread for tactical and strategic gain. Should any Democracy Officers take issue, file protest after this has been broadcast.

    We arrived within minutes of the alert being sounded. About a dozen ships. We've been skirmishing in orbit, but nothing serious beyond that.

    Our complement of Helldivers however, that's a different story. Our Eagle pilots have been sending us their footage and when we can get guncam footage or helmet footage, things are, bleak.

    The reports of Civilians being harvested and turned is correct. As horrifying as it is they rank below even Terminid's weakest forms. My men have reported that even a scorcher pistol can save you from over a dozen of them and conserve more important ammo for the bigger threats. Like the actual Illuminate.

    The actual Illuminate seem to be mostly shock troopers and heavy weapon teams. Some show melee aptitude but closing the gap is how you beat them. Again, Flame weaponey is unexpectedly powerful against them in general. Autocannona and Recoiless rifles have been something our vessel has always had a standout record with. But I would only use these if your Super Destroyer has nothing better. Exosuits are middling but the Illuminate always seem to prioritize them. Maybe trauma from the last war?

    Now, the bigger issue is their buildings and their one heavy weapon so far. The walkers are taller than even a factory strider. What we've pieced together from the footage is the shielding. Treat it like one of our own, smoke the shield and follow it up quickly with another shot. The walkers are thin, but weak after the shield fails.

    Now, I'm submitting my own opinion here at the end of the report. Consider this, the opinion of a seasoned Super Destroyer Captain.

    Every drop we have sent so far has been incredibly hazardous. And the Illuminate are worse than the bots or the bogs with screwing around and sabotaging our mission capabilities. And the one Diver we have gotten back… well, I have filed for a section 8 for a damn good reason. Expect a lot of Shell-Shocked Divers Captains. I don't like this. We're on a rest cycle waiting for a Hellpod resupply and won't be launching for another day or two. But I've been watching the footage from other ships. The Illuminate are testing us. This is a Vanguard, and if the Vanguard is giving us trouble? We need to square up. Nobody wants to say it, so I will. We're already hard pressed against the bots and the bugs. Now the Squids return. We are in for a hard time unless Super Earth escalates the arsenal again.

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  4. Prophet of Justice reporting for duty. ✊
    We have responded to the Illuminate invasion and are progressing through enemy territory. We are also packing arc-throwers, blitzers, and laser cannons for anyone who will join us. Remember the creed established by old earth. We live in the dark to serve the light.

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  5. 1st Wardiver division Cadet reporting! The i lluminate outnumbers us in 1:10000 aka 1:10K ratio and they spawning Highly tanky units. This reported on Stage 1 Danger zones in calypso! In higher Level zones of Calypso The situation is reported to be 2000 times worse. Theoratically i'm the last one standing in D7 aka one Of most Highest Dangerous sectors with Danger Ratio 11! Illuminate yeeting everything they got! They not messing around They deploying heavy striders like automatons has but infused their energy based tech and they spam them like Kamikaze units from a war simulator called "Red alert". Before you could take one down they replace it with 20 additional ones.

    It might sound undemocratic but loss of calypso is guaranteed. Rescue the civillians!! FOR SUPER EARTH AND DEMOCRACY!

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  6. Unsubstantiated and undemocratic rumours that this is merely the Illuminate's vanguard forces probing our defences is are clearly false. This is obviously all these pathetic aliens have, barely capable of contesting a single planet with their supposed "superior" technology. Do you know what's actually superior? Liberty and managed democracy. I have no doubt the Illuminate will be defeated quickly, it will all be over before Christmas.

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  7. “and have already killed many of the intolerant squid-like terrorists while taking minimal casualties.”

    lol they already know how easy difficulty 10 is against them (at the moment) compared to the other factions.

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  8. Okay, so the news within the news at the bottom;

    "Mot starts worldview reinforcement program to defend against mind control."

    Now, why do I have a feeling that's going to backfire somehow in someway?

    "Colony defense spending increased."

    Uh….um, yeah, that happens when one is at war, on multiple fronts, I'll give that a pass on criticism.

    "Robo-panda decommissioned following attach on zoo-goer."

    Probably bot control? I'm saying this as these little teed-bits will often also give clues on future updates, so probably not, but with this game, anything is possible as of right now.

    "Patriotism best defense against Illuminate mind control, says MOT."

    Yeah, tell that to the vote-less, they weren't far flung colonist, there were closer to the core and developed.

    "Footage of waterboarding squirrel goes viral."

    Maybe nothing, however, will probably come back in the news, like the 'Cow/chicken/pork' thing, like the after mentioned 'Robo-panda'.

    "New bill increases military spending."

    Again, that's to be expected when one is at war, on multiple fronts.

    In the video itself, I've got one mention;

    "The Helldivers deployed immanently in response to the Illuminate and have already killed many of the intolerant squid like menace, while taking minimal casualties."

    Yeah, that's a bit harder to sell, on a Super Destroyer, when you just came back from a mission. Again, this is why I think we'll someday see a 'civil war' in the game between players.

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  9. +Log started+

    This is an emergency message from the SES soul of democracy.I

    My super destroyer has had its it's systems wiped out and loads of illuminate ships are attacking us.

    we've been lucky to have been out of planet's gravitational pull.

    The crew has worked frantically to get systems back online but our gun and missile pods have been destroyed.

    To any helldivers out their hurry towards calypso and provide emergency aid.

    +Log has ended+

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