This week I try to eliminate my inner self critic. I try to answer the question “can you eliminate negative self talk”. It’s harder than it seems.
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It sounds like you’d benefit a lot from mindfulness meditation. It’s not about quieting the mind. It’s about sitting quietly, have thoughts, notice the thoughts, and letting them go. You’ll have moments of peace and quiet but the thoughts will keep coming. The key is starting over, not holding onto the thoughts and not giving them meaning. Just notice the thought, maybe even an emotion tied to it, name it if you want to (“oh, hi anxiety. I see you. I see you too concern, oh hi joy!”), and letting them come and go. That helped me.
Also I tried to find compassion for the thoughts.
Example: I’m fat. No one will love me because I’m fat, etc. And maybe I’d heard that as a child, maybe I saw a lot of women I know and in the world who were critical of their weight. That’s rooted in patriarchy sure. It’s also rooted in some instances in love. If grandma made a weight comment, well back in her day you had to get married to survive. Maybe some part of her wants me to be thin so that I can get married and be safe, secure. Loved even.
That is tangled up in patriarchy, misogyny, fatphobia, but there is also an element of love. I can forgive her and society for making me feel this, believe this, because I can see the love deep down. That made it easier for me to hate it less. Now I still have thoughts but they’re rarely about how I look but the practicalities of living in a fat body in a world not designed for me because I don’t want to feel shame. Shame is a useless emotion and so even this has gotten easier.
This is a fantastic video. You’re doing great.
❤ You're gorgeous
Does your low self esteem stem from childhood ? Mine does…
Your content really inspires me. It think it’s because I’ve been following you from the beginning. I think I might make YT videos about social workers and Finance
I love the walk and talk part, it's so pretty out there! Also have you tried Heat Tamer? It's really cheap but one of the most effective heat protective sprays and it's a spray so you don't get all the fumes as you do with aerosol
I understand this is very deep to discuss what goes on in our minds. Without hoping to sound intrusive would you consider doing a part 2 on this? Curious to hear how you reframe and change this pattern. Thank you so much for being so open 🖤
Ugh I know this too well. The negative self talk is almost always about how I look and I create stories of what people are thinking. Hugs and thank you for this! ❤
I have found self-confidence comes from Integrity. Which really does contribute to increased confidence.
Let me say this…getting to the bottom of our money behaviors takes lots and lots of time and self-reflection…and as you self reflect, you undo a past limiting belief or subconscious understanding or even a vow you made during childhood one little bit at a time. The good part is, as you do this, the internal changes become so relieving, even if it’s just a little at a time, that relief becomes GOLD! So while the work takes times and patience, and kindness and compassion to our selves, it’s the best actual feeling in the world when you don’t live under this felt ‘black cloud, life completely changes…and that invincible feeling is well worth every ounce of uncomfortableness.
I started paying attention to my negative self-talk a few years ago. I read a pamphlet someone gave me about treating yourself like your own best friend and I decided to try it. Doing that made me realize that the overwhelming majority of my thoughts about myself were negative. I would call myself stupid, and idiot, or something else that implied I'm not very smart. Nothing in my reality bears that out, but it's what I kept saying to myself.
One day I was walking home from the store when it began to rain. I got to my front door and realized my house keys were in the bottom of my bag. The first thought to enter my mind was: "Idiot, why didn't you make sure that your keys were out!", and I immediately countered that thought with, "It's okay. I can put down my bags and look for my key. This isn't the end of the world, I'm okay." I immediately felt better. I felt the way you feel when someone takes up for you. In that instance it was me. I'm a work in progress. Like you, I'm up against decades of negative self-talk and criticism but I know how to talk to myself now like I'm a friend.
This topic cuts deep. Just started watching. Since first leaving remission losing hair, eyelashes, nails breaking, rashes and zits, just feel helpless to stop feeling judged because people will say to your face "You need to get some sleep!", or give you unsolicited tips on weight gain. I've alienated more than one colleague by responding "How exactly does my weight loss affect your life?!" Too stressful to explain to those who are not close friends that I'm ill, but it's clear they are judging. It's hard to hold your head up when it feels like they're watching you eating popcorn instead of minding their own business . I don’t even know how some of them see so much, but they love to comment and judge harshly! I tried showing politeness to people who are jerks, and it gives some satisfaction! Also, try to remind myself about past accomplishments and keep learning new skills to remind myself that looks are not your worth. You contribute to society and life every time you help someone else.
That bright blue is your color! 💙
So, if I break something I take the item to customer service/returns or to the register so they can replace it and don't run out. Dryel is my fave, but some items can hand wash and block dry flat. Some things like cashmere don't do well in the dryer. Hope your shirt survived?
Ugh, I don’t like the way he talks to you. The tone was harsh, and I could see that it could get passed off as being playful, but the tone was disrespectful.
Also had to say, your determination and research efforts are inspiring, as are your honesty about struggles and imperfect efforts to improve. One thing that can be disheartening online is how so many seem to just master new behaviors effortlessly because they don't show any time they have setbacks. Setbacks happen and negative thoughts can be overwhelming. Thank you for showing that.
We appreciate you more than you know too!
Gosh…thank you for this, I needed to hear this today.
Have you ever considered that some other insecure girl might look at you like the “better” girl? What would you say to her? Probably you’d reassure her she’s beautiful.
I follow someone that is/was a level 4 hoarder and she has been able to rewire her thoughts and behaviors. She does fall back once in a while, but it's never as bad as before and she has learned not to be harsh on herself. Have you been able to pinpoint what, how, and when this low self-image began.?
I love how much you have evolving from your very first video about your terrible finances, to huge improvement of your finances and now your mental health. Did you ever thought that just starting your finance journey improvement would also trickle to mental health journey?
I recommend the book ‘Untangle your emotions’ by Jennie Allen.
It goes into why we feel the way we feel , also her other book: ‘Get out of your Head’ (talks about how powerful our minds can impact our decisions and how we can rewire to have gratitude and life a life of joy) they are tied to Biblical references just FYI but greats reads and studies .
We appreciate you, too! Thank you for continuing to share – your content speaks to all of the things I'm trying to heal in my own life (negative self-talk, spending money so that others will think I'm put-together, etc.) We out here!!
Sincerely – another millennial New England girlie doing her best.
Great quote from Annie Savoy in the movie "Bull Durham". "The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness." Though unpleasant , some negative self talk is useful. The key might be governed by reality and balance. If the negatives have no basis in reality. No preponderance of evidence of it actually being true. Then it can be more easily dismissed. There is also balance. Only fair that negative self talk should be balanced with positive. Focusing on one side while ignoring the other might be a fixable dysfunction. Also part of balance is letting go. In the end, very few things really matter. Surprising how effective saying and meaning "So what!" is at diffusing negative self talk.
love your vlogs!
I'm really happy to see you putting those personal videos and trying to help yourself. We need more of this on YouTube.
I love this channel. I don't like how the bf talks to her and walks ahead of her.
🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋 i would like to add that aging will help you to DO NOT CARE what other people think. But keep on your inner journey to became the very best version of you. Because you are very beautiful 😊
Thank you for your vulnerability on the topic ❤
U are doing a great job training ur mind to be positive great job u are really pretty
If it helps, you look so much like Rapunzel from the Dunkin Donuts commercial. That's how I see you.
Thank you SO much for sharing this journey!! I've struggled with low self-worth for a long time and you've inspired me to try and track my negative thoughts for 30 days. It seems difficult but worth it! I'm sick of this negative inner critic having all the control in how I feel about myself. It's so insidious and you do have to root out these thoughts and re-frame them.
Victim mentality syndrome- psychiatric treatment only
Hi just remember u are a great human being and are very beautiful
He’s definitely a Boston Red Sox fan! Don’t worry, as long as you’re a size 2, he will always love you. 🙆♀️ 🙄 🥬🥗🥕. A funny IG Chanel I subscribe to is a Canadian woman comedienne who puts a positive spin on basically everything! She really forces it, and then at the end she sniffs compulsively. I’ve begun trying to deflect and turn things positive for my customers, just to lighten the mood, and surprisingly (because I know people like to be in their negativity d sometimes) they are not offended. In fact, they stop and think a minute about what they’re saying. Colleenlandrycomedy
Hi hopefully u will answer
This was such an interesting vlog. You have inspired me to try to identify and reframe my negative thoughts. I admire how transparent you are. As an aside, what did you buy to clean your shirt, and did it work?
Hi can I ask one question please
Watched again and I think from around the 22 min to 24 min part might be very telling. Started positive and seemingly happy talking about New Year's. Then suddenly looked very unhappy and agitated when talking about judging yourself. Was shocked at the huge change. Had to go back to see if it was a different day. Then when you talked about letting it go. Think you said, "Who cares." You looked happy and relieved again. Think this might be a very good sign. At both the beginning and end, you accepted that things didn't have to be "perfect" . And you seemed happy and comfortable. When you started to dwell on not feeling or looking perfect, you looked perturbed and agitated. Maybe working on letting go. Accepting that things aren't going to be or need to be perfect, can help. You sure looked relieved during the "who cares" part. Maybe more "who cares" can equal more peace and joy?