where have i been?

by



I forgot to mention in this video, but regular videos will be back soon. Nothing’s cancelled. We’ll pick up where we left off with everything.
⬇ Links & More ⬇
– – – – – – – – – –
► Twitter — https://nerd.yt/twitter
► Livestream — https://nerd.yt/live
► Merch — https://nerd.yt/store
► Discord — https://nerd.yt/discord
– – – – – – – – – –
#conflictnerd

source

42 thoughts on “where have i been?”

  1. Couple of quick things not addressed in the video…
    1) This was recorded on a webcam, not the usual DSLR that I'd use for vlog-style content. This wasn't really a planned video, and was recorded late, so I didn't feel like setting it up.
    2) Regular videos will return to this channel as soon as they can. I don't have an exact date in mind, but nothing is cancelled. We'll pick up right where we left off.
    3) I've posted some musical YouTube Shorts on this channel. You can find them at https://www.youtube.com/@ConflictNerd/shorts
    4) I posted my first full vocal cover to https://www.youtube.com/@DylanConflict earlier, you can find it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C41QSbJBKa4

    Thanks for your understanding. ♥

    Reply

  2. LIFE 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 LIBRARY 👏
    Dylan, I'm honestly not sure how long I've been subscribed to this channel; somewhere between 8 and 10 years, certainly. You help people every day. Just by being you; by doing the things you love. I've seen you not crawl, but fly back from these dark places and I just want to say that you are so fucking strong. You are so powerful. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal behaviors my whole life. I've been in and out of hospitals. I relate to you so much. Ever since I found your channel, I've wished that I could somehow be a support in your life, but obviously, as a simple fan of you and the channel, there's a line there that shan't be crossed, so I've always just watched from the sidelines. Whenever you go away for a period, I think about you and I hope you're okay. Your accent, your somewhat ambiguous hair color, your pets, your amazing taste in music, your raspy, yet somehow reassuring and calming voice, has gotten me through many hard times. Jesus Christ that may have come off a tad creepy. I'm sorry. I'm bad at this. I just attach myself to people who have been in my life for a long time (like you must definitely have!) And I've got a shitload of empathy, especially when it comes to mental health issues. I really value your presence on this Earth; we all do. This might sound silly, but since you've been streaming your music, I've been so inspired to start doing the same when I finally move in March. Music is my therapy and I've always wanted to sing. I love watching you. It's so inspiring. Thank you for that.
    There are a few things that I think need to be said. First off, I don't know if you struggle with comparing your issues to others, but never forget that someone who drowns in 2 inches of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in the ocean. I don't know what you're going through, so don't take that as me belittling your issues. I just personally struggle with the whole "my issues aren't even that bad, people have it so much worse than me" mentality, but that quote has helped me a lot.
    Second, don't let anyone tell you how you "should" have felt, or "should" be feeling. The fact that you felt anger when those cops showed up for example. I've been there. I know that sense of anger and resentment. And at least for me it's an outward projection of guilt. I don't know about you, though. But your brain is your own fucking brain and it is STRUGGLING! Don't let anyone put thoughts in your head that your feelings are wrong.
    I just want to share a quote I heard once. It's changed the way I think about suicide, somehow.
    "No one truly wants to die. They just want the pain to end."

    Thank you, Dylan, for being who you are. Thank you for staying true to yourself. Thank you for being vulnerable and real with us.
    Take all the time you need. We're not going anywhere.

    Reply

  4. I've been watching you for ages now, since i was a little kid. It has been 7 years now I think since i first watched you. You became a part of my life, part of my daily routine, part of my daily boost of joy and motivation. Your humor kept me alive and your stories made me laugh. I went through highs and lows and even though I'm currently at the lowest I've ever been, I'm still so happy and greatful to see you and to have you here. You are an amazing human being. I'm so glad that you didn't go. You're channel had such a big positive impact on my life and still has. Stay strong, Dylan.. stay strong.

    Reply

  6. It is OK! It is OK to take the time you need, it is OK to be angry, it is OK to be mad, it is OK to be sad, it is OK to grief… Depression, mental health, burnout, healing, not any of it is linear. It takes strength to ask for help. You are doing the best you can, and take that time to feel the feelings. You are a awesome person, I'm happy you stepped back.

    Reply

  7. I know this just feels like another comment giving you basic unshattering praise, and for that, I understand this comment will probably not resonate in the way I hope it does. But anyways I think it’s better left said than unsaid that your channel was the channel that got me into City Skylines as well as a range of other complex building games. And to see this other side of you really helps me connect with you and your channel in a new way. Seeing you be this open and honest about your faults and your struggles helps put things in perspective for me about how everyone has their own battles that they are fighting. So if you do get to read this comment, I just hope you understand that we applaud you for continuing the fight, however hard that fight may be. And if you need to take a Gatorade break to catch your breath and get taped up, take as much time as you need. And I can’t speak for everyone on this because I don’t know everyone that watches your stuff, but just know I’ll at least be waiting here for when you come back(I got a few videos I got to catch up on your channel with anyways).

    Reply

  8. Can’t wait to hear all about the next book! Take all the time you need, I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. Oh in case no one told you, you help me…thanks for all you do to help me to close my book

    Reply

  9. Dylan first of all big mental hug. I think your still grieving your father and have not given yourself premising to grief probably witch you should. about the troughs in your head they are just that troughs they are not you its just passing troughs like cars on a highway. you can exsammen some of them and then put them back where you found them they cant hurt you ontil you let them in. about helping yours before helping yourself it may sound like a good idea but A some people cant be helped ontil they do it themselves and B your not really helping them when your suffering yourself. Also holding onto others pain is a fucking BAD idea witch will lead to self hatered witch i sence you already have to yourself because of something that happened or that you blame your self for. The only way of getting rid of that is to be pissed off and let it out and then forgive yourself(acceptance). this is not a quick fix it may take rounds of this dependent on how deep it goes. It helped me when i was in a simular place in my life where my massive self hate had overtaken my life but those troughs was not me they where just my mind playing tricks on me. a good technique is to steep away from your self and just look at you like its not you and you want to help that sorry person standing right infront of you. hope that helps.

    Reply

  11. I find this hard to watch, but at the same time, the strength you're showing by even posting this. Mental Health is a topic that is often taboo, and to see people actually talking about it can only help. Keep putting one foot in front of the other – you're an amazing person.

    Reply

  14. Firstly, hat off to you for being that open to your audience.
    I will be upfront and honest with you, I did not know you suffered any kind of mental anything until this video. I’ve been following you City Skyline build which I enjoy thoroughly, thus I noticed your absence. Now that I know, all I can say to you is hang in there, you are helping people like me in ways you probably cannot imagine and that is more than I can ask of anyone, never mind from a stranger on the other side of the planet, I am in South Africa by the way.
    Get better, take the time you need, and if you feel like coming back to us and share your game play, that would be great. If you decide that this YouTube thing is not for you anymore, we need to respect that too.
    Never give up, never surrender…

    Reply

  17. I found you through your Airport CEO vids. Everytime you uploaded a new one, it put a smile on my face and calmed my very anxious and busy mind. You have a beautiful impact on people, and whenever that is, im looking forward to seeing vids from you again..
    Thank you for being so open to us…stay strong, we‘ll be here waiting for you ❤

    Reply

  19. My guy, I'm really glad you got the help you needed and decided to stick around. I cannot tell you how many hours my son's and I have spent watching you play Sim City and Cities: Skylines. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and know that you do indeed matter.

    Reply

  22. been watching u since I was like 9 or 10 bro and I'm 17 now. I've been watching you for so long bro and I've always been enjoying your videos especially the cities skylines. Just know everything will be ok and there will be light in the end of the tunnel

    Reply

  27. Thank you for your candor. Talking about it helps destigmatize talking about depression and mental health, and saves lives! You are valued and loved, take however long you need to heal. We need you here on this rock with us!

    Reply

  29. Bro you may not know me and you may not read this. But I was in a dark place myself. Your videos your commentating on your games you play was truly helpful to me because I truly enjoy your content you got me out of my owe head. Know that I appreciate you. I wish you the best bro.

    Reply

  30. I've been where you are. You are not alone. My attempt was in the heat of an argument. I said fuck it, I'm done. But you've described the feeling very eloquently.

    Reply

  33. When you spoke about helping others would help your inner voices "shut the fuck up", that hit home.
    Mental health is a tough battle, been struggling with it myself from a young age, been on medication for years, went to therapy, it's took a long time but i'm seeing improvement.
    In my experience, when depression hits me hard it can really make it difficult to see around me whats good, its like a thick fog that won't lift, all the doors are shut as you put it.
    I started reading other's experiences to see what helped them and inspired them to keep going.
    Take things a day at a time, some days will be more difficult than others but I believe you can get through them.
    Take care, always look forward to your content and i'm very glad you're still here.
    Sending love from Northern Ireland <3

    Reply

  39. I am so glad you are still with us, these last months have been the toughest of my life as well.

    The biggest props for you to publicly address and acknowledge mental health issues especially in guys. There are not nearly enough people like you around.

    Losing your flame would have extinguished so much talent, I have often asked myself what can this man not do? YouTube channel, music and now singing as well.

    Since the first hiatus you took for mental health you have been an incredible inspiration to me and I am sure a lot of other people out there as well.

    Reply

Leave a Comment