What Your Favourite Mario Kart Character Says About You? (Part 5)

You might think that choosing which animated cartoony character to drive round wackily themed and brightly coloured Mario Kart tracks as is an arbitrary decision.

Just a frivolous little choice that has no real bearing on anything. “Who cares!?”, I hear you cry.

The selection you make when you boot up your DS, your Wii or your Switch is more important than just the aesthetic choice you made to win on Rainbow Road. It’s a multilayered decision that tells the world everything they need to know about you as a person and whether they should steer clear of you at parties. Actually.

So whether you’re racing with your nan or competing against your man, this is what your Mario Kart character of choice says about you:

Mario
Bored out of your mind. You’re flavourless. No thought has gone into this choice. You saw his name on the box and said: “that’ll do.”. You order korma when you go for an Indian. You get plain ham sandwiches in your meal deal. You’ve only ever had cheese on your pizza because “it’s a classic”.

There’s literally FORTY ONE other choices that have more thought behind them. Choose another right now.

Luigi
Literally exactly the same as everything above except Mario was already chosen so you had no other choice and you’re too scared to ask if you can play as him instead.

Donkey Kong
You definitely pick your booty before you grab the controller, you nasty. You also laugh at your own jokes and think you’re hilarious.

Peach
I would not be surprised if you tilt your body to the side while you drive. You definitely blame the bananas for making you lose every single race.

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