48 thoughts on “We can do better than was done for us #momlife #parenting #parents #mom #makeup #makeuplook”
Nothing more confusing that having your "safe" people who are "always there for you" become the only people in your life who hit you as well. Seeing an angry parent come towards you only made me want to run and not discuss my feelings. I wouldn't hit a dog, why would I hit my child?
As a teenager I realized all the adults talked about how their parents punished them & the worst they ever got. But they never told me what they learned from it.
Well… As an adult i dont want kids because i feel like i could hit them. Just that thought means i cant be a good parent so i refuse to be one. It helps that im ace tho with endo, kinda a relief.
I'm at the stage where I'm trying to forgive myself for spanking my son (now 15) before I discovered gentle parenting. It can be rough, but I have to learn to give myself the grace I learned to give him. I educated myself. I did better going forward. I continue that to this day.
I've said the same thing. I don't remember a single reason why I was spanked, why I was forced to keep my nose in the corner, why I was forced to kneel. All I remember is the fear, the pain, and the hatred I felt, and I remember those vividly. I even remember specific events where I had to pee, but was terrified to move from the corner or say I needed to pee, because every word I said added 5 minutes to my time.
i had an old co worker/ situationship/ roommate, who would hit his kids. he always said it was to " teach them a lesson", but honestly it seemed like much more than that. i remember him blaming the kids for "NEEDING" to use a fucking rod from the blinds, because it "hurt his hands too much". LIKE BRO. U ARE ABUSING YOUR CHILDREN!!! AND COMPLAINING THAT ITS HURTING YOU ?!?!!
Anytime someone says “good luck with not hitting your kids in the future, it’s impossible” it feels like they’re trying to insult your intelligence. Cause I’ve never once in my life met a smart person that hurt their kids. Like sure Karen, you aren’t bright enough to think of other ways, but don’t project your stupity onto me!😂
My mom only hit me like 3x. Once was uncalled for (she was peer pressured into it), but the other couple of times it was the only option. I remember being in a rage and slamming her chair and shaking her. She slapped my face to shock me out of it.
Im in my late 20s now, and i take mood stabilizers. Im also not a parent, one of the reasons being the emotional regulation issues.
I think the parents who hit their kids to teach them not to hit are nuts. I apreciate my mom doing that to keep me from jail or something.
It really depends. My brother was violent growing up. Wasn't beat, just had inappropriate reactions to things. Finally my Dad got upset enough when my brother tried to square up on my Mom that he beat the tar out of him. My brother never cared to raise up against another woman ever again.
If you could spank kids in a right way, my mom did it. She used it very sparingly and only in situations where she needed to teach me a lesson. For instance, I wanted to play outside during a thunderstorm and she said no and I did it anyway while she wasn't looking. I don't think that it's more effective than taking away a privledge though. She also never took away my "lovey" or stuffed animal I always carried around– it's a sheep named Sugar and I still have it in my college apartment.
I love you….i am now 25 and because of my childhood abuse I really don’t know if I ever want kids because it scares the hell out of me… Anyway, I just wanted to say, 1) thank you for being there for “little me” if that makes any sense 2) thank you for setting an amazing example for not only your children, but for myself and everyone else who is a parent or has experienced childhood abuse. Idk. Just…thanks ❤️🩹
Not solving conflict in your life hitting people. That is a mouth full of wisdom! I have never hit my child either, not that I shouldn't or couldn't. I just found better more effective ways. Like screaming. That doesn't solve anything either. Someone screams at me, defense mode and anger switch flipped, conflict escalates = nobody solves a thing.
My parents spanked me but it wasn’t a traumatizing experience. I believe it all depends on the kid tbh. Being a good parent is learning what discipline works best with each kid. My parents rule was to never spank us when they were mad and no more then 3
I was hit as a kid, I just learned to try to get away with things and that pain would just come and go. If I had kids I would be so afraid to hit them because that could be a release of my anger onto them. Scary thing is kids that get hit can become adults that think a partner hitting them is fine because "they love you".
Good job on not hitting your child or children because my parents spanked me as a kid for misbehaving and I learned practically nothing from that other then pain is the proper punishment to me so ya, good job being a close to perfect parent
This is one of the many reasons I’m never going to be a parent. I was raised being hit and it caused a lot of anger issues with my siblings. I don’t trust myself to not react with violence because that’s what I was taught and it’s hard to unlearn.
i’ve never been hit. i’ve been knocked on the head and that’s significantly more hurtful than spanking honestly. my parents know what hurts me and they do their best to not hurt me. my parents are amazing. plus i’ve stayed out of trouble for most of my life so they don’t have a reason to hit me.
My mom had to hit me twice, but she's remorseful about it to this day. Yet, the thing is, if I hadn't been taken away from her for a couple years, it never would've had to happen.
My dad took me to his country, leaving my mom to have to figure out how to get to me on her own, and he spoiled me while she was away, because he didn't know how to say no to me, or how to handle me being upset.
So when she finally got back to me, I was in a state where if somebody ever said no to me, I would throw a HUGE tantrum, where I would not hesitate to get violent. So my mom spanked me once, near the beginning, to show she would not fuck around if she had to, and then another time when I was seriously about to injure her. She also made sure to do so where there would be no actual injury
She has never hit me since, and I appreciate both decisions. My dad later tried beating me as a punishment for not doing homework, but his methods of parenting and my school had damaged me so much that I barely even remember it occuring, because I didn't care.
My mom was the main source of safety and light I had. I slept at her house most of the time, and although she wasn't perfect, she did everything she could to make me feel loved even when I believed myself worthless and my life meaningless. Even my now partner used to love spending time at her place, because he felt like it was one of the few places where we were safe to be ourselves and explore who we were. In fact, many of my childhood friends have said the same.
You remind me of her a lot, and she also likes your videos. So just know that you're doing an amazing job. You're the type of mother that would be the saving grace of a child from an abusive home. The type of mother that would make a kid feel like they're going to be okay, even when they feel like they'd be better off dead. Keep doing what you're doing, because you're doing great. 🧡
I used to be one of those people who believed in hitting children because I was hit and it fixed me up. But looking back I don't think it did. I don't remember any of the reasons why I was hit. I don't remember learning any lessons but I do remember believing that I made my dad happy to hit me and one day when he was crying I told him he could hit me if he wanted and I didn't understand why that made him cry more. My behaviour only got better when I moved in with my step family who didn't believe in hitting children but for some reason I never put two and two together until a few years ago luckily I don't have any children and I don't plan to either.
Im not a parent, but i have a cat that often acts like a toddler with me. Ive had a few moments where i was stressed to all hell and her toddlering was driving me crazy. Everytime after i felt a little guilty for getting annoyed at her, but most importantly i realised i never once even thought about hitting her or even screaming at her. Amd those were definitely situations where i would get spanked all the time as a kid. Made me feel a lot better about how much work ive done on myself.
I hate when people are like “you’ll change your mind when you actually have them” like no actually I won’t I had people growing up say the same about cigarettes and alcohol I’d say I’m never going to touch it because my whole time are alcoholics and I grew up coughing through second hand smoke and I hated it and every one even strangers would be like “oh you’ll change your mind never say never” I’m 24 now I could smoke or drink as much as I wanted but I don’t I have no interest in it the difference between us and those people is we care and we have will power and a want to do better than the people before us
You are doing so much right, I cannot stress that enough. I’m compiling research and making a multi-disciplinary synthesis on love vs abuse and the difference is quite clear and the research proves and confirms your experience. Authoritarian parenting has bad outcomes for children. The differences in neural structures and chemistry and overall health is stark. Traumatizing your children is not teaching them. Anyone who sanctions such violence and equivocates careful guidance with blind obedience is not fit to be a parent. The breadth of multiple scientific fields is in your favor !
The way my dad justified it is if the next time I decide to go do the stupid thing I'll remember the last time I got hit for doing the stupid thing and not do the stupid thing again
i was hit as a kid just for expressing any negative feeling.whether i was simply disappointed, sad, overwhelmed, frustrated, expressed i didnt want to do something, it was met with a spank or belt and sitting in the corner in the hallway til they said i could get up and go to my room or dinner was ready. I learned how to never express a single emotion, but when i would watch my alcoholic father hurt my mom or sister it filled me with so much rage cause in my mind i was thinking " what a hypocrite! how dare you force submission on us and i have to control every emotion but you cant even handle yours as a grown up!" once i got into middle school i had eventually realized that he can't hurt me anymore, funnily enough as i got older he had dialed back on me but not my mom and sister, and im the youngest. anytime he went off on them i jumped in cursing him out and having to lecture him like a child, i was always surprised when that didn't direct him to take a swing at me and he would just somber off to drink in front of the tv watching whatever sport til he passed out. i think the biggest threat to him was someone being blunt and brave enough to tell him like it is to his face and have to make him face the truth that deep down he already knows. my parents divorced my 7th grade year and we finally got out, but my older sister just became his clone but somehow worse. im no contact with both of them now. In a happy marriage and family now with our 4 year old son, and i vow to myself everyday to never ever put my son through anything like that… we will grow to be even better stronger trees than the ones we fell from ❤
I was sparked as a child but it wasn’t often. As an only child I didn’t get into much trouble. I remember all the times I got spanked. The big one being when I took off via bus at the age of 8 and got lost and didn’t make it home until 9pm and my mom thought I was kidnapped. I didn’t do that again. 😅 also my mom never just spanked me and moved on. She spanked me and came back once we’ve both calmed down and spoke to me about why it happened and what to do better for next time. She would also reinforce that she loved me no matter what. I guess it really depends on the type of parent you got and if they spanked you for everything or not without explanation of the punishment. Anyway that was my experience.
I think my mom spanked us a grand total of 1 time, only because my father (he is a bad man) kept pushing her to do it. She did it once, and never again. But that incident and the threats from our father of hitting us with belts and wooden spoons lead us 3 kids to take and hide all the belts and large spoons in the house. We hid them under THEIR bed, because why would they look there? Pretty genius for 6 year olds. Dont hit your kids.
as a toddler i was hit by my parents and strangled by my brother as punishment, i learned nothing but to avoid and fear them. In response, i was very isolated and was literally hurting everyone who came near me to ward them off. this kept going until i was 10 or 11 lol please never hit kids
i got spanked as a child and hit w the back of a hair brush and my dad always tossed a jug of cold water on me or shoved me into a cold shower and i'm still only 13 (very close to being 14) and all that stopped years ago and i remember hating it but i wasn't scared and i don't think it was abuse but i definitely wont be doing that to my kid because it sounds so sad to hit your very own child
Eh to each their own. I was spanked as a child and boy those rare times i deserved it for being a brat. I honestly was more scared of being yelled at then spanked
The goal my husband and I have is to make better mistakes than our parents did.
To expand upon that, we were both abused (you name it, we had it), and we both deal with C-PTSD and PTSD.
Being a parent is hard, and literally everyone makes mistakes. We will make mistakes, too.
But they will be mistakes and accidents, not abuse. They will be natural fumbling due to inexperience and will not make our children feel unsafe.
In this way we've already done better than the previous generations, which means that we are already succeeding. Because we've chosen to be chain-brrakers. ☺️❤️
Nothing more confusing that having your "safe" people who are "always there for you" become the only people in your life who hit you as well. Seeing an angry parent come towards you only made me want to run and not discuss my feelings. I wouldn't hit a dog, why would I hit my child?
As a teenager I realized all the adults talked about how their parents punished them & the worst they ever got. But they never told me what they learned from it.
Well… As an adult i dont want kids because i feel like i could hit them. Just that thought means i cant be a good parent so i refuse to be one. It helps that im ace tho with endo, kinda a relief.
I'm at the stage where I'm trying to forgive myself for spanking my son (now 15) before I discovered gentle parenting. It can be rough, but I have to learn to give myself the grace I learned to give him. I educated myself. I did better going forward. I continue that to this day.
I've said the same thing. I don't remember a single reason why I was spanked, why I was forced to keep my nose in the corner, why I was forced to kneel. All I remember is the fear, the pain, and the hatred I felt, and I remember those vividly. I even remember specific events where I had to pee, but was terrified to move from the corner or say I needed to pee, because every word I said added 5 minutes to my time.
I used to get caned by my mother! I’ve never used violence against my son and he’s amazing ❤
i had an old co worker/ situationship/ roommate, who would hit his kids.
he always said it was to " teach them a lesson", but honestly it seemed like much more than that. i remember him blaming the kids for "NEEDING" to use a fucking rod from the blinds, because it "hurt his hands too much".
LIKE BRO. U ARE ABUSING YOUR CHILDREN!!! AND COMPLAINING THAT ITS HURTING YOU ?!?!!
same and same ❤
you should write a "how to be a decent/not shitty parent book
Anytime someone says “good luck with not hitting your kids in the future, it’s impossible” it feels like they’re trying to insult your intelligence. Cause I’ve never once in my life met a smart person that hurt their kids. Like sure Karen, you aren’t bright enough to think of other ways, but don’t project your stupity onto me!😂
My mom only hit me like 3x. Once was uncalled for (she was peer pressured into it), but the other couple of times it was the only option. I remember being in a rage and slamming her chair and shaking her. She slapped my face to shock me out of it.
Im in my late 20s now, and i take mood stabilizers. Im also not a parent, one of the reasons being the emotional regulation issues.
I think the parents who hit their kids to teach them not to hit are nuts. I apreciate my mom doing that to keep me from jail or something.
It really depends. My brother was violent growing up. Wasn't beat, just had inappropriate reactions to things. Finally my Dad got upset enough when my brother tried to square up on my Mom that he beat the tar out of him. My brother never cared to raise up against another woman ever again.
If you could spank kids in a right way, my mom did it. She used it very sparingly and only in situations where she needed to teach me a lesson. For instance, I wanted to play outside during a thunderstorm and she said no and I did it anyway while she wasn't looking. I don't think that it's more effective than taking away a privledge though. She also never took away my "lovey" or stuffed animal I always carried around– it's a sheep named Sugar and I still have it in my college apartment.
simple flowchart
child doesn't understand reason -> won't understand why they are hit -> don't hit the child
child does understand reason -> use reason instead of hitting the child
qed: never hit a child.
I spanked my child once when he was a toddler. That was enough for me to know I never ever wanted to spank him again. No regrets, he’s a good kid.
I love you….i am now 25 and because of my childhood abuse I really don’t know if I ever want kids because it scares the hell out of me…
Anyway, I just wanted to say, 1) thank you for being there for “little me” if that makes any sense
2) thank you for setting an amazing example for not only your children, but for myself and everyone else who is a parent or has experienced childhood abuse. Idk. Just…thanks ❤️🩹
Not solving conflict in your life hitting people. That is a mouth full of wisdom! I have never hit my child either, not that I shouldn't or couldn't. I just found better more effective ways. Like screaming. That doesn't solve anything either. Someone screams at me, defense mode and anger switch flipped, conflict escalates = nobody solves a thing.
As a 19 year old mom I’m so happy to hear this
My parents spanked me but it wasn’t a traumatizing experience. I believe it all depends on the kid tbh. Being a good parent is learning what discipline works best with each kid. My parents rule was to never spank us when they were mad and no more then 3
I was hit as a kid, I just learned to try to get away with things and that pain would just come and go.
If I had kids I would be so afraid to hit them because that could be a release of my anger onto them. Scary thing is kids that get hit can become adults that think a partner hitting them is fine because "they love you".
Good job on not hitting your child or children because my parents spanked me as a kid for misbehaving and I learned practically nothing from that other then pain is the proper punishment to me so ya, good job being a close to perfect parent
This is one of the many reasons I’m never going to be a parent. I was raised being hit and it caused a lot of anger issues with my siblings. I don’t trust myself to not react with violence because that’s what I was taught and it’s hard to unlearn.
i’ve never been hit. i’ve been knocked on the head and that’s significantly more hurtful than spanking honestly. my parents know what hurts me and they do their best to not hurt me. my parents are amazing. plus i’ve stayed out of trouble for most of my life so they don’t have a reason to hit me.
My mom had to hit me twice, but she's remorseful about it to this day. Yet, the thing is, if I hadn't been taken away from her for a couple years, it never would've had to happen.
My dad took me to his country, leaving my mom to have to figure out how to get to me on her own, and he spoiled me while she was away, because he didn't know how to say no to me, or how to handle me being upset.
So when she finally got back to me, I was in a state where if somebody ever said no to me, I would throw a HUGE tantrum, where I would not hesitate to get violent. So my mom spanked me once, near the beginning, to show she would not fuck around if she had to, and then another time when I was seriously about to injure her. She also made sure to do so where there would be no actual injury
She has never hit me since, and I appreciate both decisions. My dad later tried beating me as a punishment for not doing homework, but his methods of parenting and my school had damaged me so much that I barely even remember it occuring, because I didn't care.
My mom was the main source of safety and light I had. I slept at her house most of the time, and although she wasn't perfect, she did everything she could to make me feel loved even when I believed myself worthless and my life meaningless. Even my now partner used to love spending time at her place, because he felt like it was one of the few places where we were safe to be ourselves and explore who we were. In fact, many of my childhood friends have said the same.
You remind me of her a lot, and she also likes your videos. So just know that you're doing an amazing job. You're the type of mother that would be the saving grace of a child from an abusive home. The type of mother that would make a kid feel like they're going to be okay, even when they feel like they'd be better off dead. Keep doing what you're doing, because you're doing great. 🧡
Had the same discussion with my mother the idea that violence is never the answer is a foreign concept to her.
You're a good mom. I wish i was raised the way your kids are being raised
Honestly love your makeup skills and you are soooo pretty without it aswell ❤
I used to be one of those people who believed in hitting children because I was hit and it fixed me up. But looking back I don't think it did. I don't remember any of the reasons why I was hit. I don't remember learning any lessons but I do remember believing that I made my dad happy to hit me and one day when he was crying I told him he could hit me if he wanted and I didn't understand why that made him cry more.
My behaviour only got better when I moved in with my step family who didn't believe in hitting children but for some reason I never put two and two together until a few years ago luckily I don't have any children and I don't plan to either.
Im not a parent, but i have a cat that often acts like a toddler with me. Ive had a few moments where i was stressed to all hell and her toddlering was driving me crazy. Everytime after i felt a little guilty for getting annoyed at her, but most importantly i realised i never once even thought about hitting her or even screaming at her. Amd those were definitely situations where i would get spanked all the time as a kid. Made me feel a lot better about how much work ive done on myself.
I hate when people are like “you’ll change your mind when you actually have them” like no actually I won’t I had people growing up say the same about cigarettes and alcohol I’d say I’m never going to touch it because my whole time are alcoholics and I grew up coughing through second hand smoke and I hated it and every one even strangers would be like “oh you’ll change your mind never say never” I’m 24 now I could smoke or drink as much as I wanted but I don’t I have no interest in it the difference between us and those people is we care and we have will power and a want to do better than the people before us
You are doing so much right, I cannot stress that enough. I’m compiling research and making a multi-disciplinary synthesis on love vs abuse and the difference is quite clear and the research proves and confirms your experience. Authoritarian parenting has bad outcomes for children. The differences in neural structures and chemistry and overall health is stark. Traumatizing your children is not teaching them. Anyone who sanctions such violence and equivocates careful guidance with blind obedience is not fit to be a parent. The breadth of multiple scientific fields is in your favor !
You are a fantastic mum xx
The way my dad justified it is if the next time I decide to go do the stupid thing I'll remember the last time I got hit for doing the stupid thing and not do the stupid thing again
i was hit as a kid just for expressing any negative feeling.whether i was simply disappointed, sad, overwhelmed, frustrated, expressed i didnt want to do something, it was met with a spank or belt and sitting in the corner in the hallway til they said i could get up and go to my room or dinner was ready. I learned how to never express a single emotion, but when i would watch my alcoholic father hurt my mom or sister it filled me with so much rage cause in my mind i was thinking " what a hypocrite! how dare you force submission on us and i have to control every emotion but you cant even handle yours as a grown up!" once i got into middle school i had eventually realized that he can't hurt me anymore, funnily enough as i got older he had dialed back on me but not my mom and sister, and im the youngest. anytime he went off on them i jumped in cursing him out and having to lecture him like a child, i was always surprised when that didn't direct him to take a swing at me and he would just somber off to drink in front of the tv watching whatever sport til he passed out. i think the biggest threat to him was someone being blunt and brave enough to tell him like it is to his face and have to make him face the truth that deep down he already knows. my parents divorced my 7th grade year and we finally got out, but my older sister just became his clone but somehow worse. im no contact with both of them now. In a happy marriage and family now with our 4 year old son, and i vow to myself everyday to never ever put my son through anything like that… we will grow to be even better stronger trees than the ones we fell from ❤
I was sparked as a child but it wasn’t often. As an only child I didn’t get into much trouble. I remember all the times I got spanked. The big one being when I took off via bus at the age of 8 and got lost and didn’t make it home until 9pm and my mom thought I was kidnapped. I didn’t do that again. 😅 also my mom never just spanked me and moved on. She spanked me and came back once we’ve both calmed down and spoke to me about why it happened and what to do better for next time. She would also reinforce that she loved me no matter what. I guess it really depends on the type of parent you got and if they spanked you for everything or not without explanation of the punishment. Anyway that was my experience.
I think my mom spanked us a grand total of 1 time, only because my father (he is a bad man) kept pushing her to do it.
She did it once, and never again.
But that incident and the threats from our father of hitting us with belts and wooden spoons lead us 3 kids to take and hide all the belts and large spoons in the house.
We hid them under THEIR bed, because why would they look there?
Pretty genius for 6 year olds.
Dont hit your kids.
as a toddler i was hit by my parents and strangled by my brother as punishment, i learned nothing but to avoid and fear them. In response, i was very isolated and was literally hurting everyone who came near me to ward them off. this kept going until i was 10 or 11 lol
please never hit kids
222❤
i got spanked as a child and hit w the back of a hair brush and my dad always tossed a jug of cold water on me or shoved me into a cold shower and i'm still only 13 (very close to being 14) and all that stopped years ago and i remember hating it but i wasn't scared and i don't think it was abuse but i definitely wont be doing that to my kid because it sounds so sad to hit your very own child
Eh to each their own. I was spanked as a child and boy those rare times i deserved it for being a brat. I honestly was more scared of being yelled at then spanked
The goal my husband and I have is to make better mistakes than our parents did.
To expand upon that, we were both abused (you name it, we had it), and we both deal with C-PTSD and PTSD.
Being a parent is hard, and literally everyone makes mistakes. We will make mistakes, too.
But they will be mistakes and accidents, not abuse. They will be natural fumbling due to inexperience and will not make our children feel unsafe.
In this way we've already done better than the previous generations, which means that we are already succeeding. Because we've chosen to be chain-brrakers. ☺️❤️
I don't believe humans can be perfect, but you're a beautiful soul raising some more beautiful souls
Nobody's perfect. But you are such a damn good mother❤
I remember being hit by my dad a few times, just made me scared of him
You're doing a GREAT JOB parenting and your kids are proof.
Hitting your kids is just you loosing control. It doesn't teach anything.
I didn't even have children, and this actually made me cry for my entire generation 🤦
My inner child loves you so much 🥹