The Dangers of Divorcing a Narcissist with Demetria Graves | Season 2; Ep 4



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Top divorce attorney Demetria Graves reveals her pre-divorce checklist, the biggest mistakes people make in the process and breaks down the harsh realities of going toe-to-toe with a narcissist in court.

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Guest Bio:
Certified Family Law Specialist, Demetria Graves, opened her own Family Law practice, The Graves Law Firm. She is considered a leading Family Law attorney and has received many accolades for her dedication to the field of family law as well as to the community. Ms. Graves hosts a podcast, ā€œLegally Uncensored with Attorney Demetria L. Graves,ā€ addressing family law-related topics. In addition, Ms. Graves wrote and released a book in 2021 titled, ā€œWhen Women Run the Firm: How to successfully launch and manage your law practice with confidence.ā€

Guest Information:
Instagram – @demetria.gravesesq
Podcast – Legally Uncensored Podcast
Facebook – The Graves Law Firm
Website – https:/demetria.gravesesq/www.losangeles-divorcelaw.com/Demetria-Graves.aspx

Helpful Resources:
Narcissist Abuse Support – Narcissistabusesupport.Com
Women’s Divorce – WomensDivorce.Com
Survive Divorce – Surviveddivorce.Com

This podcast should not be used as a substitute for medical or mental health advice. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical advice, counseling, and/or therapy from a healthcare professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issue, or health inquiry, including matters discussed on this podcast.

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Narcissists are everywhere and these days it seems like everyone has at least one in their lives! Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, will help you spot red flags and heal from the narcissist in your life. Every Thursday, we will hear first-hand accounts from people who know this territory the best, the survivors.

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25 thoughts on “The Dangers of Divorcing a Narcissist with Demetria Graves | Season 2; Ep 4”

  1. Peace came when I was the parent I should be & simply documented his actions in case I needed the info later. I was NOTHING but professional & courteous in my communication. I followed my side of the orders to the tee.
    Gray rocking works.

    Reply
  2. Advice I wish someone had given me by the time I was 10:

    Step 1: Don't live with anyone but yourself, and be celibate (to avoid potential pregnancies, unless you live in a pro-abortion state/nation). Don't use substances, and don't gamble, even in small amounts.

    Step 2: Don't date anyone, don't get engaged, don't get married. Never add anyone as an authorized user on a Credit Card, and never be one, either. Never share a bank account with anyone, including your parents (including when you're a teen). Never pay a friend or relative for rent (including when over 18).

    Step 3: Be financially independent ASAP (if your parents offer to help, don't accept; odds are good they're narcissists). Couch-surf, stay in a vehicle/shelters, whatever. Get on welfare while you qualify for it: you paid your taxes, so you paid for those programs – it's time those programs worked for you! Get off of welfare ASAP too, but keep that in your back pocket (play by their stupid rules, and vote for politicians who've been on welfare). Don't worry about charitable giving right now – always take the standard deduction (for US taxes). When on UI/EUC benefits, don't let them take taxes out, because the way the IRS rules work (again, in the US), you'll actually qualify to get money back, not pay it, when it comes tax time, whether they took those taxes out or not. (Dummies shouldn't even ask, but they do, so say "No.")

    Step 4: Purchase in this order: vehicle, house, college. College comes last, not first, because that piece of paper won't get you anywhere anymore, and the instructors are being paid to say "Look it up online." Dumb, dumb, dumb! Put that last – it's too expensive to waste your meager "savings" on anymore, and you won't learn anything you can't learn online for free or with ads anyway.

    Step 5: Maintain this excellent lifestyle you've worked hard to build for yourself, and don't share it with anyone! Your home and your vehicle are your sanctuary away from the world, and you need and deserve that! By now, you probably have more savings than you need for "rainy days" (which do come). Keep part and invest part in CDs or other wise, slow-growing investments. Don't invest more than 1% in the stock market (you're likely to lose it all, so plan on that). Spend part on charities, and spend part on helping the homeless (if you can't pick a charity, try Hollywood Food Coalition!). Your life's maintenance costs come first, but you should have at least something to divide up and spend this way by the time you're retirement age. If not, well, then we all voted for the wrong people, and that's on all our heads.

    You do *not* need a spouse or kids to "be happy." If anything, all that nonsense will drain you and your finances. Especially if you were raised in a narcissistic home/family tree/etc. Don't burn your candle from both ends!

    Reply
  3. I have so much respect for attorney Demetria that she did realize she wasn't up to dealing with a narcissist and she did her research and became and expert in how to handle them at court! Thank you in the name of all your clients and other people carrying heavy memories of narcissistic abuse. I wish that all professionals would do this, attorneys, doctors, teachers, preachers, counselors etc, and would continue being interested in what they are doing and would keep learning.
    It was such an uplifting experience for me to watch this interview. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

    Reply
  4. Have you ever dealt with a case where the abused is also the primary breadwinner? This is my case. My soon to be ex has been disabled for 14 years, he’s on disability but has been working under the table for 10+years but because I don’t have concrete proof and he refuses to be honest, I’ve been court order to pay my abuser spousal support? Washington is a ā€œno faultā€ state when it comes to divorce, even though I was covertly manipulated and emotionally and verbally abused for 26+ years by a narcissist it doesn’t matter. There seems to be no advocacy for emotional abuse victims which leaves me feeling abandoned by the system.

    Reply
  5. None of this will be an issue for my Son.
    He’s currently trapped in a Coercive Abusive Relationship with a Covert Vulnerable Narcissist.
    She has isolated him from his family and his homeland.
    We’re about to embark on another attempt to rescue him.
    All he has to do is leave her in Canada and return to Australia.
    He can just walk away and leave everything behind, his life is worth so much more.

    Reply
  6. I divorced a narcist. My strategy was first a list of result for the kids before we started taking about the money. Than the money part and kept daily stress for answers and communication with the person who had our case. Yes it was not 100 percent for me but my view was do it within 2 months so she could not get advised by ā€œfriendsā€. I managed it and able to close the chapter.

    Reply
  7. The person I was married to would rage at the kids and myself, punch holes in the walls and doors, chase the cat around, ignore, and be incredibly selfish, show up late after work kinda drunk, sit on the computer when we needed him to engage, then we would go to church and sit in the pew , put his arm around me and rub his thumb on my shoulder. I felt this was all for show. . I was just so confused. I would shudder sometimes and look over at him and he was smiling not to be cruel but he seemed truely happy !!!The dichotomy just would blow my mind. I was so confused. Now I get it. I wish I didn’t have to know but wow am so glad I do know about narcissistic abuse ! Bite from the apple of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. …..,
    My family of origin’s way of dealing with emotional distress is not lost on me. Very similar but not nearly as severe. His family of origin was way ip on the spectrum imo. I feel partly to blame for not perceiving this. Could have saved everyone so much heartache. But! I am out thriving , my kids are going on with their lives , I have a house a new cat and a garden! There is life after the death of a thousand cuts! I say these things to encourage anyone going thru this especially when they paint one picture of themselves in public and another in private. So very common in this type of abuse! Good luck to each of you and thank you so much Darren for all your knowledge and work!

    Reply
  8. Going through a divorce right now. She meets all the symptom of a covert narcissist. She wants to control everything! She is even refusing to abide by court orders as agreed upon by the attorneys with the sale of the home. It's all about control even though it will cost us BOTH a ton more money.

    Reply
  9. I filed after 32 years of marriage with a malignant narcissist with sociopathic traits. In 2020. I’m here now in 2024 and still trying to finalize my divorce. We are jewelry owners of two successful stores of over 20 years . And he closed down stores emptied bank accounts, took all of our cash and claims to be broke and homeless to the courts . He is still running my store and has a girl friend since day one of me filing . He abandon our 12 year old son and two adult sons . Has a horrible smear campaign against us. Has changed lawyers 4 times. I hope I can be done with this evil beast soon. It’s the worse nightmare ever.

    Reply

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