My first Muse.
Every now and then, the energy of the universe tips me over back to her in ways I can only describe through my art. The days of saying “sorry”, oh how I fucked up that word and overused it for ten thousands of lifetimes already, that word has been used so much through my mouth that it is dried up, end of saliva, has absolutely no value no more.
In the end, maybe faith has it, that if I would choose a life-partner in this lifetime, maybe it just had to be her? Mind you, Its not something I want at all, for any of us, I still don’t think we fit in this physical, body world,, if I did, we would have 3 kids now with her, at least 2, Our first child would be 18 now.
No, My brain rejects this proposition, my body definitely does its best to escape this horror of reality. That’s why my body has never stopped traveling ever since the day we parted.
But my heart. Well, this is what my heart sings this morning.
A muse will always be a muse, I could create 2 full length albums to her in one day and one night, just by thinking of her. Now that she needs me the most and we again talk for hours and hours, a lot of creativity has to get out of this body, mind and heart.
But my soul is still yearning to find its way home, to be fulfilled again. I’m a chaos-theorists, Im a fan of destruction and chaos, I must adore chaos, I like disorder, if something is fulfilled or too nice, or too perfect, its in my nature to destroy it, and rebuild it.
Somehow I really like the game of smashing a nice mirror, and then sticking back the broken pieces of it, to watch oneself in it at the end with the cracks apparent, and sometimes, when I even fixed those small cracks, this is the mirror reflection that would appear. Soulmates defined, with my saliva.
Music: will be released on my next album, its dedicated to the lesser man within, the little man, that tiny meaningless creature that met a muse and received a bigger heart, thus slowly became the man he is today, a definitely bigger man, progress is always nice.
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