🔪You thought breaking up with an assassin would be easy? Think again.🔪
Oh darling, imagine my surprise—and I bet yours too—when I found myself at your door, key still in hand, despite our… shall we say, unconventional breakup? Here we are then, you and me and the mess you left with just a few emojis. It’s a bit crude, don’t you think? Breaking up with an assassin via text. But here I am, not to settle scores—well, not immediately—but to talk. You didn’t really think I’d just walk away without having the last word, did you?
🌟What to Expect:
Oh, you thought breaking up by text was hard? Try doing it with a world-class assassin who can’t decide if they want to kiss you or strangle you with the phone charger.
🗝️ Surprise Encounters: Guess who’s back? Not just your bad habits.
💌 Emoji Overload: Delight in hours spent decoding your pitiful emoji farewell.
🎭 Bitter Truths: Secrets spilled, because you’re about as subtle as a sledgehammer.
🔪 Cutting Remarks: I’m not just slicing through your excuses—I’m mincing them.
🎭 Roleplay Metadata:
Event: An unexpected reunion sparked by a rather… uninspired breakup text.
Setting: The very room you thought was safe from past ghosts
Mood: Amusingly dark with a hint of sarcasm so thick you could slice it with a knife
Characters: The ever-charming, lethal, and slightly pouty ex-girlfriend assassin; and you, the ex who thought it wise to break up via text.
Theme: Love, betrayal, and the delicate art of not-so-casual espionage
💬 Your Thoughts:
Loved our little tête-à-tête? Why not like, comment, and share your thoughts on how you’d handle a surprise visit from your ex… especially one with skills like mine? Don’t forget to subscribe for more delightful encounters. Who knows who might pop up next?
👉 Stay Connected:
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/waywardaudio
Instagram: @wayward.audio
Twitter: @waywardaudio
💌 Much love,
Your adorably lethal ex 💋🔪💔
#AssassinEx #TextBreakup #ShotThroughTheHeart #TextsThatKill #AudioDrama #WaywardAudio #HoneyAudio #SweetheartAudio
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Upside, those.. form fitting outfits. And how protective she can be
Downsides… Well in fear of sneak attacks … And the worrying
Hey wayward tomorrow is my birthday!!
Never break up by text, especially if it's with an assassin that can track you down very easily
You know my ancestors are ancient Egyptians emojis are like my 2nd language but I lost my mind for a bit but you are all I could ever want only you
💝🐧
The transitions from serious to funny are always amazing. And, they usually involve portly being mentioned so that’s even better.
Oh no…
“Hold on, didn’t you said if there was any chance I got shot at, break up with you on text?…well, I got shot at, while getting McDonalds”
38th like
Read the description and immediately wndered if there was a miscommunication or if the listener is a douche canoe. Seriously, breakups should be in person, barring VERY specific circumstances.
You are brilliant. Great story.
Her: "You're an absolute idiot."
Me: "…I'm aware, but can you be more specific?"
Also, the agency didn't think their plan all the way through, did they? 😅
Thanks for the audio, Wayward!
63th like
An old favorite! 😄😄
I've always wanted a girlfriend who will help me fight against the government and also my evil ex who was probably a CIA plant who entered my life to distract me from my mission of fighting the government. Also, Portly should always be there because Portly is love.
This was cuter than expected.
And of course, the return of Portly is very welcome
A surprise to be sure but a welcome one 😅
"I love you in every universe"
Portly: 😀
Just wait 'till listener finds out about Mango.
Oh we got the “you’re not good enough for her” treatment from the agency? Man we’re dense as hell if we fell for that, but hey now we’re running away together and starting a new life! I can imagine a whole romcom series/movie of this
The ending was surprsing and unexpected. Our lovely hostess is both creative and (sometimes) unconventional. Thank-you!
At first I was broken hearted and mad at the pov, but as it went on and was established that they didn't think they had a choice/couldn't write the words I began to cry for a different reason. I loved it for thank you once again.💜
This turned out way different than I expected and its wonderful. Thank you darling ❤