original by Bo Burnham: https://youtu.be/qGQE-Sdo4tw
Lyrics: (Ladies and gentlemen) (Make some noise for Bo Burnham!) ♪ (Uh, thanks, um) (Welcome to my show, it’s called) (“If You Sing Along I’ll Fucking Kill You”) ♪ (Uh, this is the song) ♪ Everytime I go to dinner It seems like I’m getting a little bit thinner I’ll sit down at the breakfast table I can talk, they’re not able When I look at them, I find There’s a single question on their mind I wish it could go back to the way it was It’s not easy now, because My whole family thinks I’m gay I guess it’s always been that way Maybe it’s ’cause of the way that I walk Makes them think I like boys That I like boys The goddamn question just won’t go away And, I get asked it every single day But the way they ask it is not a disguise Like “How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?” That’s… funny This is the worst, baby, this was my fear Now, their opinions are crystal-clear, because My whole family now is shocked I’m in the closet and the door is locked Now my glory days are gone I was John Elway, now I’m Elton John My whole family now suspects That watching Spongebob had side-effects I’m not gay, and that’s what I said If I’m gay, hey, God, strike me dead ♪ Just ’cause I’m afraid of the snow Or my favorite color is: the rainbow! I don’t mean to yell, but I fear I must ‘Cause I’m losing the people that I thought I could trust Because even my boyfriend thinks I’m gay Motherfuc- ♪ You all probably think I’m gay Man, this song is counterproductive La-la-la-la-la Because my whole family thinks I’m gay What do they know anyway? You gotta look right through the haze Easy-Bake Oven was just a phase My whole family thinks I’m queer That is all I ever hear But I’ve been as straight as a ramp If you don’t count Bible camp
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