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As is usually the case with these sort of lists, I did not hear all these phrases from my ex. But he would say things like "I didn't deserve that", even when the thing in question was the sort of random event that no one deliberately did to him. Like he expected life to be "fair".
Thank you so much, I was just faced with a few of these yesterday
It was encouraging to hear this talk
Hi Dr Ramani. I appreciate the work you do to help people recover from abuse and raise awareness to narcissism. People are vulnerable without the tools to identify this behaviour.
But I see a problem with labelling people and I hoped that maybe you could hear my thoughts and educate me as I speak only from personal experience and not the study of psychology.
My reasoning, is that a label implies something is more of an object than a human. I can label a can of pepsi as pepsi because I am sure that it wont change into something else. But to do the same to a human being wont work the same way, as a person is mutable. A label would define someone and categorise them but people can't be categorised so easily when I consider how dynamic and complex we are.
Having said that, i have experienced psychological abuse at an age where I had no voice and I didn't realise I could set boundaries, or that the trauma would take many years of healing.
So I recognise we need to protect ourselves and am grateful.
I seem to be the only person who believes this anti-labelling theory, so I hoped that you would read my thoughts and I hoped to hear your thoughts also
Thanks again and enjoy your Sunday.
"This phrase is not a red flag, it's an air-raid siren"- brilliant
Doctor Ramani, question about drug prescription for narcissists. Paranoia and rage are characteristics of a narc. So then why does a psychiatrist not give them a low dosage of anti-psychotics (olanzapine) to temper down their psychotic mind and anger? I hear no channel talking about this and it suprises me because I know these medicine could be very helpfull.
Ooohhh the menacing of the malignant narcissistic person is scary. Im aware of that kind very well. Dealing with it changed my life and mindset forever.
I need help…..
six sides to every lie I say… (giggles) bad behaviours
The "I'm sorry you feel that way" might be appropriate depending on what the other person is saying to you. Perhaps they're trying to gaslight you…..
I've had people pat themselves on the back for pontificating mean to me about how "Life Is Not Fair.."
A lady that said this to me had a clerical position at an organization that prided itself to be humanitarian at a time when I was definitely struggling to figure how to function in society (not that I have entirely figured that one out,l having autism spectrum issues as a component in dealing with,but I was more oblivious about then).
Since the time, I seem to have included, that's what's up life is unfair, but people and institutions when I said deal with exacerbates that unfairness of life to make it a real problem.
My ex-narc friend calls herself Mama Sunshine and her kids have flower names. Lol
My ex was in ptsd due to the so called unfairness she was subjected to
Her life plan was to rectify that unfairness by using and manipulating people
When she had drained me she discarded me
Today I am happy; she is miserable
It is Karma
“I’m sorry you’re so crazy that you took what I said completely wrong” — my mother
#1 0:55 – " I don't want to make this about me but … "
#2 03:10 – " I'm sorry you feel that way "
#3 04:20 " why are you doing this to me "
#4 06:26 " I just don't have time for this "
#5 08:30 " i hope you know who you are dealing with "
#6 11:05 " it's not fair "
Comments I've heard most of my life…..
You're so selfish
Stop acting like a spoiled brat
You make things up
It's all in your head.
No need to exaggerate.
Don't lie, it's a sin.
Why do you always misunderstand me.
What comes around goes around.
Karma is a bitch.
I know, I knooooooow (next conversation, I had no idea!)
You create stories in your head
Sorry you feel that way
Stop playing the victim
You're just mad because you're not getting your way.
You choose to feel that way.
You're not special, we all have problems.
You're not perfect, just forgive and move on.
I'm sure you'll understand when you have kids.
Just stop already.
I had no idea how much anger and hate you had for me.
It's now all about you.
You're an adult now, not my problem
You're an adult now, you have to solve/get over it on your own. No one is going to help/safe you.
Don't acting like that.
I gave up everything for you. I sacrificed everything for you.
You're ungrateful
You have it better than most of World.
When I was a kid she would say, "I love you but I do not like you as a person"
"I can't wait for you to move out."
When I had an eating disorder she told me, " You're not going to die on my watch"
"You're not going to waste the food I worked hard for"
(My step siblings would say) "why are you so superficial"
When I was suicidal as a teen
"If I really wanted to do it I would have, your just looking for attention"
"Just put her on medication"
"Now we have to babysit her"
"sorry you don't love yourself"
"It is not our fault your unhappy"
"you ruined my childhood" (my step sister as a 36 year old.)
I'm unable to ask for help, I feel as I'm selfish, making it up, just depressed, bothering people. Either I'm happy and spreading joy or completely off on my own until I recover. I've been in some kind of Dark Night of the Soul for 4 years now. Finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.
My partner said he's extremely loyal to me because I always have his back and have never done him wrong… But if I ever change, then that may as well. He's high functioning autistic as well, so its been a struggle to start identifying the (vulnerable) narcissistic behaviors outside of his ASD behaviors…
Always great observations to hold. HOWEVER…I dont have time for this video because you never mentioned MY name. Why would you do that to me?…I didnt even do anything!! YOUR MEAN!!! (Yep, a narcissist can use absolutely any scenario as victimhood or a weapon.)
My father tried to take credit for all of my work achievements. He was a high school vocational counselor. He only helped me get one awful job and that was my first in fast food.
When I was hospitalized for attempted suicide at age 12, my mothers response when she visited was, "Why are you doing this to me?" "Why are you doing this to me?" And… "I dont have time for this." (My mother) "I hope you know who you are messing with." (My older half sister) "injustice" (me)
It's not easy to admit but the things we narcissists complain about are the things that we actually constantly dish out.. I appreciate you, Dr., you're helping at least one perpetrator of narcissism turn this thing around
I heard this 100x daily, “You don’t love me! You don’t care about my needs!”