Original Story:
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1816v7h/humans_have_an_elder_god/
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/16r5zea/humanitys_manhole/
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{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:07 Humans have an Elder God! by Obvious_Ad4159
07:24 Humanity’s Manhole by YepThatsMyAccountLol
#ScienceFiction #Storytime #SciFi
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Podcast is Called : ASN Humans Are Space Orcs , HFY and other stories
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This Story is Classified as HFY or Humanity Feck, Yea , but what does the Mean?
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture. In These stories Humans are often referred to as Human, Humanity, Deathworlder, Hellwolder in reference to the human planet of origin , Earth. This planet is seen by most of the universe as a place where only death and chaos can survive.
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Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
Humans Are Space Orcs (HASO) or Humans Are (Fantasy Race) Are used as a guide when writing.
In these Stories we normally View humans like the other races view orcs in a Fantasy Novel. We (Humans) share the same characteristics and personalities as orcs. Humans are normally treated as the outsiders and barbarians. Humans tend to be underestimated as well in these stories. Unlike Humanity Feck Yea , these don’t always put a positive spin on humanshumanity sometimes looking at the darker side of human and humanity from the perspective of aliens.
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Don't mess with Chuck
Story 1: Soon as the first part of the file came up, I knew the whole story was a Chuck Norris joke…
Story 2: Interesting way to use a manhole cover for an orbital kinetic strike…
The first story made me "chuckle"…. for the Squirrel, the author and the algorithm 💐⭐⭐💐
yes.
Humans if they were in the audience would be laughing at this. The entire speech was a joke. Any elder God would also be laughing. That aliens take this seriously is another reason to laugh. The story is funny and reminds me to the commercial for a beer which featured the world's most interesting man. 2nd story – also left me chuckling. A manhole cover destroying a palace accidentally.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 chuck ….. The way majority of humanity talks about Chuck Norris, any aliens who hear of that name some reason will likely think he is a God to humanity
Manhole cover: nice story, but the calendar does not quite work out. The manhole cover did around 60 km/s, solar escape velocity from the Earth's orbit is around 40 km/s, so it mostly traveled with around 20 km/s. (You can modify that by roughly 30 km/s of Earth's orbital speed; that doesn't qualitatively change the result.) As a rough calculation, to travel "thousands" of light years, I get something like 30 million years.
That must be the best CN story ever.
That was awesome. Chuck. Now ima be cracking chuck norris jokes all afternoon/evening.
Even with knowing that it would be his Chuckness, I still somehow expected, to some degree, a IT'S JOHN CENA MOFO! intro
Chuck Norris does not file his taxes. His taxes perfectly file themselves out of fear of him.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris's beard trimmings are sold to the Military where they are made into plasma resistant vests.
That was a wonderful setup for a Chuck Norris meme!!!
Gotta love that manhole cover.
This particular God can cut through a hot knife with butter
Some 20 years ago at a party some people were doing the Bloody Mary scheme in one bathroom while another group was doing the Biggie Smalls scheme in another. I dared one of the groups to call Chuck Norris 3 times while staring in a mirror. One small group got to the second time when a loud bang and a bright flash of light with sparks flying all around the house as the power went out plunging us all into darkness. A power transformer blew it was hanging from the high line pole half burning charred and ripped open like it was made of paper. We never tempted Chuck Norris again!
CHUCK NORIS !
the elder god is just… chuck norris jokes? CHUCK NORRIS IS AN ELDER GOD?!
Chuck Norris believes in Jesus
My favorite has always been. "Chuck Norris has a bearskin rug in his house. The bear isn't dead, its just too terrified to move."
Story #1 – I was killing myself trying not to laugh when I was listening to his, thinking "This sounds like a Norris Joke". I almost spilled my cup of coffee when he was finally named "Chuck".
Yeah, definitely got more than just a smile with that one :))
He had no chin under his beard, instead he has a third fist!
Humans: " I have an Elder God and I know how to use it!!!! …sort of"
Wait until they hear about the man that beat the elder god Chuck… The unbeatable warrior Bruce 👍
Second story: you just wait, we'll find a way of turning manhole covers into interplanetary weapons now LOL
Just wait until the xeno's hear about the other elder god. One by the name of Sagata Sanshiro. A god who will track you down and beat you within an inch of your life for not playing a certain console. A god so powerful that he can judo flip you so hard that you'll explode on landing. Twice. Fear this elder god.
Oh, the cover on the underground nuke test.
The premise in the second story sounds like Chekhov's Gun, If something is talked about in act one it will do something by act three.
The second story is cute, but the math doesn't work out; at 240,000 km/h, or some 1/4000 the speed of light, it would take the manhole cover 4 MILLION years to cross just a thousand lightyears, let alone thousands; to do that distance in only 500 years, requires faster than light travel; even if the manhole cover had been pushed to a significant fraction of the speed of light (which is the absolute best you can manage with a big push) it will still take thousands of years for the manhole cover to cross that distance.
[in a secret lab]
interrogator: human commander, we got you in a truth field, you can't lie, and we only require one information of you : how could we win against chuck?
human: well, you'd probably win, if by winning you mean him getting bored after deleting your species off of a few infinity of multiverses.
"It traveled thousands of lightyears in 500+ years… at 240,000 km/hr…" … so it somehow achieved ftl after leaving the atmosphere? Yes, it's funny but that wasn't very thought through…
At that speed, it would take 20,000 years for the manhole to only reach Alpha Centauri, which is a measly 4.367 lightyears away. Just 1,000 lightyears would then take 4 MILLION years. What use would the length of Universal years be if each one was 100,000 years? Also we didn't find anyone in the galaxy for 4 million plus years? Even without ftl, we could colonize the entire galaxy in under 1 million, by most estimates now.
Yes, I know I've overthinking the story and critiquing it a lot. Just how I think.
LMAO!! i knew where that first one was going.
Lol
For the first story I wonder if a human told the aliens about Chuck Norris as a joke but the aliens believed him. Biggest prank ever
Chuck Norris… LMAO. Been a while since I heard his name mentioned.
Story 1: You think our Elder God is scary, you should see our world's protector. The Doctor. We even have recordings of his miracles.
Story 2: The pimp hand of Sir Isaac Newton is mighty indeed.
Thanks again for the story
Fucking hell it's Chuck Norris I was kinda hoping it would be hp Lovecraft but fucking Chuck, what the hell😂😂😂
Hearing how aliens react to Chuck Norris & Jon Cena jokes, now I wonder how aliens would react to something less of a joke but still known to humanity as a story. Wonder if there's any story with aliens reacting to Cthulhu
Errr – neeeee… 1st Chuck Norris Reference and than "fasted man-made objekt" – perfectly! 😀 nice choice for that duo and thanks for the laugh at XMas Morning 😀 cheers and nice fête.
Story 2 As soon as he said underground nuke test I knew what had hit the Hordum Empire.
I heard he can eat only one lays potato chip.
We’ve had a story involving John Cena, and now Chuck Norris. Who’s next, Paul Bunyan? Pesos Bill? Baba Yaga?
In the beginning there was only Chuck Norris, then he roundhouse kicked the void and created the universe.
He sold his soul to the devil for his incredible martial arts talents, then he beat the crap out of the devil and took his soul back
One of the funniest ones yet. From time to time we need that too.
The fun thing about Plumbob is that we launched two of those, we set up a second test to try and record the speed of the blast cover and even then with all the high speed cameras trained on it and specifically trying to capture it, they barely recorded it for a few frames
2nd story reminds me of the person ranting about "They cannot escape Gods Wrath" recently, that thanked his audience and then fell over from a massive heart attack.
Alas, even if that ManHole continued on, and if it was moving much faster, say 300KM/S, that means it would take 1000 years to travel 1 light year.