What Are Next?!

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Mike and Jay give a run-down of the new films and TV shows coming out over the next year and a half that you and your dumpster-diving grandmothers just might recognize. Weā€™re entering a time when the nightmares are now contagious viruses that spread from media to media and infect all our collective body cavities (anus). For example, for some reason that new emotional Ghostbusters trash was successful. People cried butterfly tears when they saw Venkman kiss Egon on the lips and rub his ghost trap and he ghost hugged his dumb daughter and told her he loved her even though she was clearly a lesbian and that secretly disappointed him even though he was a mute ghost. Well, that warranted a sequel of course. Then if that cash is flowing, green-light an animated series!!! Then green-light a live action series on Netflix or Prime or whatever. Might do a season or two. Who cares. People that work in the animation industry are starving and forced to deliver Amazon packages. 60% of them live on skid row or in tents outside of Dollar Generals. Nevertheless, studios are creating animated series based on any IP they can get their clawed hooves on and are using ghosts in Indonesia to animate them. Animated series about Twilight. Harry Potter. The Brady Bunch. Sabrina The Teenage Witch. Ronald McDonald and Friends. Punky Brewster. Se7en. Short Circuit The Harlem Globetrotters. Basic Instinct. Starship Troopers. Literally anything!!! Theyā€™d make an animated series about Twinkies if they could. Folks, weā€™ve gone beyond sequels and prequels and remakes. The nightmare is much worse. The virus is now mobile. It has left the theaters. It makes me wish Putin would invade the U.S. so I could spend my days in a foxhole waiting to get shot rather than reading stories about how there is going to be a Goonies reboot, live action series, and animated series all at once. Sometimes I just want to punch myself in the dick to feel something again. Too many shows. Too many streaming services. Too many monthly charges and most people have to work 3 jobs to make ends meet. Who has time to watch all this stuff? I mean, I do. I had an injury (anal-related) which forces me to sit in a wheel chair with a cut out hole in the seat for comfort. I can watch this garbage all day long. I supposed a lot of people who donā€™t work can watch streaming TV? The elderly. The disabled. But what does the everyday woman think when their zombie eyes sit down to watch a live action Pound Puppiesā„¢ series on Amazon Prime starring Jennifer Lopez and Jake Johnson as childless parents that adopt a CGI puppy. Or when a hard working man comes home from the construction site to put on the latest episode of the new live action Netflix He-Manā„¢ Series that has a frustrating lack of homoeroticism. Or when their children forego homework to watch the new ALFā„¢ animated series only to realize they are now dead inside. This content is like eating leftovers of leftovers. Three week old meats that weā€™ve cut the bad bits off of and hope we donā€™t get emotionally ill. Eventually this will be the end of our civilization.

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50 thoughts on “What Are Next?!”

  6. Of all the shows being cancelled, Inside Job was the one that bums me out the most, it was a great show.

    And of all the crap movies and shows that are coming out, the one that still interests me is Superman, just because Gunn knows how to turn crap into compelling movies. Hopefully there will be little to no interference from the bean counters at WB.

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  10. I don't give a damn about any of this crap, I just love the reviews ripping it all to shreds and watching it all fail horrendously.

    Art has absolutely become a disposable commodity, Jay.

    Though I will say I'm looking forward to the sequel to RedLetterMedia:
    2 Hacks 2 Fraudulent

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  11. Legacy Sequels (More Than 10 Years Apart)

    The Husler / The Colour of Money
    Gostbusters II / Gostbusters Afterlife
    Jumanji / J. Welcome to the Jungle
    Indiana Jones III / I.J. Cristal Skull
    Beetlejuice / Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
    Twister / Twisters
    Bladerunner / Bladerunner 2049
    Jurassic Park / Jurassic World
    Halloween / Halloween H2O / Halloween 2018
    The Shining / Doctor Sleep
    Top Gun / T. G. Maverik
    Rocky / Creed
    Rambo III / Rambo 2008 / Rambo 2019
    Trainspotting / T2
    Bill and Ted / B.T. Face the Music
    Mad Max / M.M. Fury Road
    Gladiator / G II

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  22. There is too much cheaply made content made for a ridiculous amount of money.
    Weā€™re at an age where studios are willing to blow and burn through cash just to win a pointless streaming war. What they are doing is trying to do is make the competition burn out first.
    In an age where we have more choices of new shows than ever, ironically everything sucks as a result

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